WALTER: (AS BEAVER) This is a picture of Walter Black,
a hopelessly depressed individual.
Somewhere inside him is a man who fell in love,
who started a family...
And then I woke up.
...who ran a successful company.
That man has gone missing.
No matter what he's tried,
and he's tried everything,
Walter can't seem to bring him back.
It's as if he's died
but hasn't had the good sense to take his body with him.
So, mostly, what he does is sleep.
Shares in his father's once-proud toy company
are now almost as worthless as Walter feels.
His family used to resemble something out of a holiday greeting card
but now seems to be in perpetual mourning.
Henry, his youngest, has become what his teachers call ''solitary.''
He'd like to become invisible one day
instead of merely unnoticed by his own father.
And, Porter, his eldest?
Well, he's terrified of becoming just like his father.
His mission? To catalog every dreaded similarity that links them.
Every lip bite.
Every neck crack. Every involuntary behavior.
He plans to erase them one by one.
His wife, Meredith, has hidden herself behind her engineering work
and nighttime conference calls to Tokyo and rollercoaster designs.
Anything to drown out the reality of an absent husband.
Walter's depression is an ink that stains everything it touches.
A black hole that swallows all who get near.
They've all been waiting for him to wake up,
to snap out of it,
but he hasn't.
So, Meredith does the only thing left to do
and says the only thing left to say.
Goodbye.
Jared, you're faiIing this cIass.
Do you honestIy think you can suddenIy hand in an ''A'' paper and get away with it?
What about Hector?
You got him an ''A'' in FamiIy DeveIopment.
Look, I've never written anything for Hector. AII right?
If he toId you differentIy, he's a Iiar.
HypotheticaIIy, had I written him something,
we wouId have raised his grades incrementaIIy.
And if that happened, then, yes, he might have turned in an ''A'' paper.
He might even be making a ''B'' in a cIass that he used to be faiIing.
So, if someone wanted me to do this, and do it as them,
in their voice and at their skiII IeveI,
I wouId say that they couId either do it my way
or take your chances buying some piece of shit off the Internet.
-$200 every time? -PORTER: If it's too much, write it yourseIf.
(BELL RINGING)
More than I pay for weed.
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
Sorry, buddy.
You passed me again.
MEREDITH: I know, honey. I was Iooking.
How was your day?
Did you taIk to anyone?
I guess.
A new person or an oId person?
New.
Good. What did you taIk about?
He said I was a baII-Iicker.
I toId him I wasn't, and he threw me in the dumpster.
What?
Did you teII your teacher?
She got me out of the dumpster.
WeII, this must be some kind of misunderstanding,
and we just have to reaIign or correct their...
I'II taIk to the teacher.
Is Dad gone?
No. He's not gone, honey.
We just agreed that it's better if we don't Iive together anymore. Okay?
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
MASTER PO: (ON TV) What do you look for beyond the sea, Grasshopper?
GRASSHOPPER: That part of me which I know little of.
The past of which I was born.
MASTER PO: Then, some day, you must seek it.
GRASSHOPPER: Is it good to seek the past, Master Po?
Does it not rob the present?
MASTER PO: If a man dwells on the past, then he robs the present.
But if a man ignores the past, he may rob the future.
-The seeds of our destiny are nurtured... -That's beautifuI, Grasshopper.
Here. Here you go.
You moved.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GRUNTS)
Oi!
(PIPES CLATTERING)
Hmm.
You know, since we're making changes around here,
maybe you want to get, Iike, a pIumber or something.
I mean, this pIace is faIIing apart.
WeII, that's too bad, because there's reaIIy not much we can do about it, is there?
Whoa, reIax. I'm on your side, okay. I'm gIad you kicked him out.
I'm just saying this whoIe eating-at-the-tabIe thing together.
I mean, that's... How Iong do you expect us to keep that up?
I don't know, Porter.
Maybe untiI we start respecting each other again?
You know, maybe when we start asking each other how was our day
and cIearing out the dishes...
Maybe I shouId get a paper route, too.
JON STEWART: (ON TV) Then I'm going to guess the number.
If I guess right, we do the kitten story.
Two big stories to get to tonight, unfortunately...
(WALTER SIGHS)
WALTER: (IN COCKNEY ACCENT) Wake up.
Wake up, you worthIess sod.
BIoody heII. Look at you.
Stone-drunk and fIattened by a teIevision.
(SWALLOWS)
That's quite an obituary you're working up for yourseIf, WaIter.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Leave me aIone.
No. Can't do that. You don't want that.
'Cause I'm the onIy one what knows how you reaIIy feeI.
Everybody needs a friend, WaIter.
And you've got me.
That's why you read aII them useIess seIf-heIp books.
Chicken Soup, Positive Thinking, How to Win Friends.
Which one has the chapter about dropping the teIIy on your head?
I'm sick.
Yeah, WaIt. On that, we agree.
The question is, do you want to get better?
I can't.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're depressed. -Yeah.
Lethargic. Anhedonia.
Wake up!
Books and piIIs. They're cotton candy.
You've seen too many home-improvement shows.
You think you can just
spIash up some paint and rearrange the furniture,
and everything wiII be aII right.
You want things to change? I mean, reaIIy change?
You gotta forget about home improvement, WaIter.
You have gotta bIow up the whoIe bIoody buiIding.
What are you gonna do, WaIter?
-BIow it up. -Louder!
BIow it up! BIow it the fuck up! BIow it up! BIow it up!
Right.
Too right, mate.
You can bIow it up. Start again.
Who are you?
I'm the Beaver, WaIter, and I'm here to save your goddamn Iife.
Hey.
I'm sorry. I must have passed him again. He just bIends in.
No, his dad picked him up earIy.
WaIter?
He said he sent you a text. Your husband is quite a character.
Mom, you gotta see what we did.
-Okay. Where's your father? -Come on! I'II show you.
You put your memory in it.
Where'd you get that?
-We made it. -You and your dad?
Me and the Beaver.
-The Beaver? -(DOOR OPENS)
Any idea where WaIter stuffed the power sander
you gave him two Christmases ago?
No?
No troubIe. We'II make do.
MEREDITH: WaIter, what's with the accent and the puppet?
-Give her the thing. -Right.
''HeIIo. The person who handed you this card
''is under the care of a prescription puppet.''
WaIter, what the heII is this?
Henry, mate, go see if you can find that varnish we was taIking about.
-I'II get it! -Thanks, mate!
Did you read the card?
-Yes, I... -Read the card.
-I've... -Read the card.
''The person who handed you this card is under the care of a prescription puppet
''designed to heIp create a psychoIogicaI distance between himseIf
''and the negative aspects of his personaIity.
''PIease treat him as you normaIIy wouId
''but address yourseIf to the puppet. Thank you.''
There you go.
-Is this some kind of a joke? -No, hardIy, Iove. Nothing funny about it.
Stop it with the puppet!
AII right. I'm confused, WaIter, and I need some answers right now.
He said if I stick with it that maybe...
He? Who said that?
Dr. Macy.
Dr. Macy? You quit seeing him.
WeII, I went back.
So this is some kind of a program?
I'II fieId that one. Yes, Meredith. The answer is yes.
That is exactIy what it is.
I know it seems radicaI,
but in cases Iike WaIter's, cases where aII eIse has been known to faiI,
it's proven quite effective.
But if it's going to work, it's going to need your fuII support.
It's very big in Sweden.
HENRY: I couIdn't find it.
Ah. No worries.
I best be on me bike.
You're not Ieaving, are you?
Don't worry. I'II come back this weekend, then.
But you have to stay for dinner! Mom, Iet him stay for dinner!
Look, it's aII right.
-I don't need to. -PIease, Mom, Iet him stay for dinner.
-I'II come back this weekend, then. -Come on.
-It's okay. Just for dinner. -PIease, Mom.
-Yeah! -WeII, right, then.
Let's tidy up the garage so we can mess up the kitchen.
Come on. Don't touch anything sharp.
Hey.
What the heII am I doing here?
I need you to write me something.
(SCOFFS)
I knew it. He thinks I'm going to faII for this?
-Who? -Mumphry, or whatever
vice-principaI sent you.
TeII him I'm insuIted.
Hey, wiII you hoId on for a second? No one sent me.
I reaIIy need heIp.
Look, you're the vaIedictorian, aII right. You have a 4.0.
I copy off of you in caIcuIus.
Why wouId you want me to write you a paper?
It's not a paper.
It's my graduation speech.
Save your money. No one gives a shit about those things.
Yeah, weII, my mom wiII. So...
Not that I'm saying that you write other peopIe's papers for them,
but if you did, I hear that you're reaIIy good at making yourseIf sound Iike them.
Getting inside their heads. That's what I need.
-No way. -Why?
Because it's one thing for your IittIe anorexia squad to get by on their Iooks.
That's aII they've got. But for someone Iike you, it's just Iazy.
HoId on.
Wait a minute.
Does this Iook Iazy to you?
That is 428 pages of Iazy.
And if you don't want to take my money because you're just dying to see me
make an ass of myseIf, then that's fine.
But don't you dare caII me Iazy.
Douche.
(MUFFLED SINGING)
Thank you very much. You want oIives in your saIad?
-HENRY: Yeah. -Here you go. Watch this.
(GRUNTING)
WouId you Iike some more?
-What the... -There he is. HeIIo.
My card.
We was afraid we'd have to start without you.
(SIGHS)
This is a joke, right?
WALTER: No, son, it's a fresh start.
Have you compIeteIy Iost your mind?
-I know it seems a bit... -I'm not taIking to you, nut job.
I'm taIking to Mom.
It takes you years to get him out of here,
and you Iet him come back the next night with a taIking hamster?
JON STEWART: Failure on this scale doesn't happen overnight.
MEREDITH: StiII I can't beIieve that you guys made that.
I mean, you never... I mean, WaIter never...
I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to address you.
WeII, you're doing fine, Iove.
WeII, tooIs were aIways on your Christmas Iist,
but I had no idea that you knew how to actuaIIy make anything.
He's a beaver, Mom. That's what they do.
WALTER: Yeah. Spot on, mate.
But, you know, WaIter wasn't haIf-bad himseIf, at one time.
Yeah? Who taught him?
WALTER: I suppose he taught himseIf.
He was about your age, yeah. Cub Scouts.
He and his pop were supposed to make a racecar for a contest.
Except, his pop weren't around so he had to do it himseIf.
Where was his dad?
He got very sad and he had an accident.
You mean Grandpa Jerry from the graveyard?
Right-o. Anyway, WaIter had Grandpa's tooIs but no cIue how to use them.
So, what he ended up making was so awfuI
that it Iooked Iike he'd screwed a set of wheeIs onto a piece of dog crap.
(HENRY CHUCKLING)
And you know what the other kids caIIed it?
The Turd. That was generous, mate.
One Iady threw up aII over herseIf just 'cause it got cIose to her.
But when it came to racing...
What?
The Turd couId not be beat.
-Sweet. -Yeah.
-Dad? -Yeah, mate?
-Can we make a Turd? -Yeah, any time, mate.
You give the word, we'II make the Turd.
Yeah.
Good night, Beaver.
Good night, mate.
(KISSING)
Good night.
HENRY: Good night, Beaver.
-Hello? -Norah.
Hey, it's Porter.
Listen, what I said earIier...
-So, are you going to heIp me or not? -Yeah.
But for this sort of thing, I'm going to have to ask you for, Iike, $500?
Done.
Wow. WouId you have gone $1,000?
-Oh, yeah. -How about a million?
Can you come by tomorrow?
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. AbsoIuteIy.
You know, I didn't... Look, I... We're cooI, right? I... I'm...
You've never even said a word to me, you know, and...
-Porter? -And it's not like we
-know each other or anything... Yeah. -Just come by tomorrow.
-Okay. -Okay.
WALTER: Good night! See you soon.
(HUMMING)
Trust me, mate. Today wiII set you free.
What the heII is this?
I have no idea.
This is Iayoffs, isn't it? Goddamn China.
WALTER: Nobody's getting Iaid off.
Get rid of you Iot?
I'd have no one to boss around, yeah?
-The boss woke up and brought a friend. -(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)
I think we shouId maintain some respect untiI Mr. BIack teIIs us...
Good morning, aII.
I assume you aII got the cards.
If not, aIIow me to briefIy expIain.
WaIter BIack ascended to CEO of this company two years ago.
Not through any particuIar skiII or merit, but because WaIter was next in Iine
rather than our infiniteIy more quaIified VP standing right here.
HeIIo, Iove.
It was a job WaIter was, weII, iII-prepared to handIe.
BasicaIIy, weII...
WaIter's been a Ioser.
Which is why, as of now, he is resigning and putting me in charge.
So, before you decide to run me out on a raiI with aII the fIaming torches and pitchforks,
hear me out, give me five minutes, then you may tear me to shreds, if you Iike.
First, I wiII be ceding controI of aII individuaI projects
back to the teams themseIves.
That means you wiII be free
and entrusted to do the jobs you was hired to do in the first pIace.
HeIIo, Hank.
Second, we wiII revamp, revitaIize, re-Iaunch
at the InternationaI Game and Toy Manufacturers Expo
in six weeks' time.
Now, I know there's a very high degree of skepticism about my abiIity to Iead.
Isn't that right?
I mean, middIe-aged man with his arm stuck up my bum. Right?
Who wouIdn't doubt me? But I'II make you the foIIowing deaI.
You give me two weeks, just two, and at the end of that time,
anyone who wants to resign wiII receive severance pay
and a gIowing Ietter of recommendation.
-No questions asked, no exceptions. -MAN: Excuse me?
And who exactIy are you supposed to be?
BoIIocks. Did I forget to introduce meseIf?
You may simpIy caII me the Beaver.
Impressive.
So, what do you need to know?
WeII, I guess the first thing is, what do you want to say?
WeII, that's kind of the probIem.
I mean, I got good grades. Big deaI. What do I know?
Okay. WeII, how do you want peopIe to feeI when you're done?
I guess I just want them to feeI not
Iet down.
''Not Iet down.''
That's powerfuI.
''I'm excited, pumped. How are you doing?''
''Me? I'm not Iet down.''
(LAUGHS)
I toId you that I suck. This is why I need you.
Okay, weII, you're a cheerIeader, notorious hothead.
CouId we taIk about you getting expeIIed from the eighth grade?
How did you find out about that?
No secrets on the Internet.
What did you do?
Did you steaI some encycIopedias?
-Chew some nicotine gum? -No.
What? Tease a fat kid?
Shut up.
AII right. So, what is it?
I was tagging.
Tagging?
Like...
Like graffiti tagging?
More Iike art. It was just iIIegaI.
Where's aII this rebeI-artist shit now?
That was a Iong time ago.
You stiII have some, don't you? Yeah.
-Show me, pIease. -No.
If you show me, I wiII write you a speech that you couId free Tibet with.
Why do you want to see it so bad?
Because I Iike to be surprised.
-We have to be quick. -AII right.
Whose room is this?
NORAH: No one's.
Oh, wow.
I Iike to do it big. Like freeways, buiIdings, biIIboards.
And fast. Like I'm running a miIIion miIes an hour.
No thinking, you know?
Why did you stop?
'Cause I got caught and my mom couIdn't take it.
Anyway, I threw them aII away.
Someone must have Iiked them.
PuIIed them out of the trash, didn't they?
-Who was it? -NORAH'S MOM: What are you doing in here?
I was just showing Porter around the house.
He's on the math team with me.
-Right. -Time to go.
Hey, I'm sorry about my mom.
-She's just, you know... -That's fine.
You know, you are
so much weirder...
Not weird, I just mean, Iike, different, I guess.
You're a Iot more different than I thought you'd be.
You know, for someone I'm paying a Iot of money to write a speech for me,
you're not very articuIate.
I'm much better on paper.
We'II see.
Thank you for not Iaughing, I guess.
I wouIdn't do that.
I wouIdn't Iaugh.
Good.
Very, very good.
(SWIM UNTIL YOU CAN'T SEE LAND PLAYING)
(SINGING) We salute at the threshold of the North Sea in my mind
And a nod to the boredom that drove me here
To face the tide and swim
I swim, oh, swim
WALTER: (AS BEAVER) And, eventually, what seems strange becomes common.
What seemed impossible becomes real.
(SINGING) Up to my knees now, do I wait? Do I dive?
The sea has seen my like before though it's my first and perhaps last time
Let's call me a Baptist, call this the drowning of the past
She's there on the shoreline Throwing stones at my back
So swim until you can't see land
Swim until you can't see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?
WALTER: (AS BEAVER) Until things almost start to feel the way they used to.
Fixed it, Iove. Working Iike a charm.
It's like it's all brand new.
(HAMMERING)
-WaIter. WaIter, wake up. Wake up. -Mmm. What?
It's Henry. He snuck out of his room. He's down in the garage again by himseIf.
WeII, teII him to come to bed.
I know. I teII him every night, but he needs to hear it from, you know, you.
Yeah.
I'm on it.
Whoa, where are you going this time of night?
I'm gonna teII the IittIe guy to knock it off so I can sIeep.
Right.
I was going to the same pIace. Come on. Let's tripIe-team him.
That's okay. You've got your IittIe furry friend.
Good night.
What are you making besides a racket?
You couIdn't sIeep, either?
WeII, actuaIIy, mate, I was having a briIIiant kip
tiII you started banging away.
I just had this idea.
Oh, yeah? WeII, Iet's have the idea in the morning.
Just 10 more minutes, pIease?
Ten more minutes, aII right, yes.
But no more mucking about with tooIs when I'm not around. It's not safe.
Or when your mother's asked you not to. Or at night.
Or in a toiIet. Or when you're cIimbing Mount Everest.
Or picking your nose. Agreed?
-Agreed. -There you go.
Can you taIk to me? I Iike it when you taIk.
What do you want me to taIk about?
Doesn't matter. Just taIk.
You have a funny voice.
You're quite easiIy entertained, aren't you?
Give you a buzz saw, a bIock of wood, and some chatter...
(WALTER HUMMING)
MEREDITH: Hey, WaIter, did you taIk to him?
Yes, and everything's fine. He'II stick to the scheduIe.
What's going on?
I've had a breakthrough, Iove. Got to get to work right away.
Now?
Not a moment to spare!
You're a goddess.
Sir? You're in earIy.
Just the woman I wanted to see.
Have a Iook at this.
Now, we need to get started on this right away.
It's a beaver?
It's the future.
This?
WALTER: The TaIking Beaver Woodworking Set.
You get your basic tooIs, a bIock of wood
and a taIking beaver to work right aIongside of you.
You shouId see the kids, Iove.
I mean, they've got their ceII phones and their computers,
but, wow, you give them a bIock of wood, a hammer and a saw?
Bob's their bIeeding auntie.
Their poor IittIe brains are starving for something Iike this.
So, you're taIking about a new product Iine for what? Christmas?
Christmas? I'm taIking about right now, woman. Today.
This morning.
I guess there couId be an anciIIary market in more tooIs.
Maybe pre-cut Iumber pieces?
Sort of Iike Lego kits but made of wood.
And you can work them into shapes on your own.
Now, that's using your scone.
Not just made out of wood, is it? Let's go.
But this wouId mean, I mean,
even if we couId get one ready in time, this is aII we wouId have for the Expo.
That's aII we'II need, my darIing.
WALTER: (AS BEAVER) And for every person that points out
that there's a rodent at the helm,
there's another to remind him or her that production has already increased by 35% .
At the end of those first two weeks, not one person resigns.
Not one.
WALTER: Now, we're going to start with...
The Beaver, as a core item, aIong with endIess project kits
couId produce an exponentiaI return.
The question is, do we want to continue struggling merely to survive,
or do we want to embrace something new, something different,
and see where it takes us?
WALTER: (AS BEAVER) Once again, our beloved Jerry Co.
has vision, power, energy, baIIs.
Item number three this morning, we've got some fabrication concerns.
Why are you aII Iaughing?
(PANTING)
Did you taIk to Dr. Macy today?
Indeed. He says we're coming aIong just briIIiantIy.
WeII, did he give you some kind of a timeIine for when the treatment might be over?
No, nothing specific, Iove.
Like a week, or a month, or...
It's a process, Iove.
We'II know when the time is right.
Now, rest up, you deIicious IittIe tart.
There's more where that came from.
Hector, what do I aIways say, man? Read it before you turn it in.
It was about your own famiIy, for Christ's sake.
I just figured since it was personaI, there wouIdn't be no test questions on it.
-But your own grandma turned you in. -Yes. She was so proud.
TaIking about the stuff that you had wrote about her back in the day in D.R.
And then aII of a sudden, she couId just teII I knew nothing about it.
So, she starts crying. She caIIs the principaI, says she doesn't...
AII right. My name stays out of this. You understand that, right?
-She caIIed me a Iiar and a cheater. -AII right, aII right, aII right. Look.
Okay, I'm gonna make a dummy website, aII right?
You teII them you sent in your money, you got your paper.
That's aII you know, okay?
Hector, Iook, I gotta go.
I'm gonna give you the website tomorrow, aII right?
-Hector! -Yes, yes, yes.
Great. Good.
Norah!
-Hey. -Hey.
-Why are you aII sweaty? -I was doing yoga.
-ManIy. -Downward Dog's a bitch.
-Are you busy tonight? -Are you asking me out?
No. Not at aII.
I was just gonna casuaIIy inquire if you're busy
without making it seem Iike I'd been up aII night pIanning something eIaborate.
Have you been up aII night pIanning something eIaborate?
Yeah, I have, Iike, maps and stuff.
(LAUGHS)
You can pick me up at 7:00. I have to be back at 1 2:00.
Awesome, so it's a date. I mean, it is, right?
We'II see.
CooI.
Don't mess this up.
You Iet me Iead, aII right?
Are you aImost ready? Reservation's at 8:00.
-BIoody heII, woman. Look at you. -WeII, you're Iooking pretty good yourseIf.
-Yeah, weII, you ain't seen nothing yet. -Yeah?
The girIs whipped up something speciaI for me.
We're taIking fuII-on tux, Iove.
Yeah. Just give us a minute to pop it on, and we'II be off.
Wait, it's our anniversary, honey.
That's why I went for the penguin suit.
I do not want to ceIebrate 20 years of marriage with a puppet.
I'm sorry. I've been very patient and I've been very supportive,
but I want you, not him.
Not tonight.
Hi.
BIack, party of two.
So, when do I get to see some of your pages?
Never. It's a pyramid scheme.
-I didn't teII you that? -No.
You didn't get the brochure?
-I'm kidding. I'II get it done. -You better.
I'm not giving you 500 bucks just so you can buy a fIat screen for your dorm room.
I'm not buying a fIat screen for my dorm room.
Then, what?
-A mummy. -No mummy.
-Then, what? What's it going to? -Nothing.
Mmm-mmm.
A guy Iike you doesn't do anything for no reason.
You've got a pIan.
I was Iistening to the radio and, apparentIy, it's gonna be reaIIy hot this weekend.
Not hot-hot, just above average.
-So, how's work? -Good. Yeah, busy.
Busy?
NORAH: Maps? That's what you're saving aII your money for?
Yeah.
Okay, expIain, because right now, it's Iooking Iike where you hide your bodies.
-It is. Every red dot is a dead body. -(LAUGHING)
Just trying to be honest.
Okay, reaIIy, what's it for?
It's, Iike, aII these pIaces where everything changed in the bIink of an eye.
Like the baIcony where Martin Luther King got shot.
The train tracks where Woody Guthrie hopped on his first train.
And?
And I just visit them and then I end up at Brown the day before schooI starts.
It's kind of Iike a find-yourseIf trip?
No. More Iike a Iose-stuff trip.
What kind of stuff do you want to Iose?
At Iast count, 49 things.
An eIaborate, mysterious pIan, and a IittIe weird.
But I Iike it.
It's your paper-writing doIIars at work.
What was that for?
You said you Iiked to be surprised.
-Ready? -For what?
It's a great pIace.
It's kind of scary but beautifuI.
Look, I wasn't sure which coIor you Iiked, so I kind of got everything.
I hope you Iike sunburst yeIIow.
Porter? Porter, come on. What are you doing?
Is this fantastic, or what?
Are you kidding? It's awesome, but I'm not going to touch it.
-Why not? -Because.
-Because, what? Why not? -Because I don't want to.
Come on, Norah. You have this amazing thing that you do.
You just put aII of yourseIf out there. AII I can do is sound Iike other peopIe.
-I know you have something to say. -Okay.
-Knock yourseIf out. You do it. -Come on.
No. I don't paint.
Why not? You're so good at being other peopIe.
-WeII, maybe if I couId paint I wouId, but... -Porter, just start.
Okay.
What are you going to do? Write ''Norah + Porter forever''?
Because that'd be pretty cute.
Right?
-That's what you've been wanting to say. -No.
You wrote 400 pages of notes. Not one word about him?
What happened to my brother is none of your business.
Do you understand?
I just thought there was something you wanted to say
and you didn't know how.
It's none of your business.
What kind of person does something Iike this?
What's the matter with you?
(SIREN WAILS)
Go on. Open it.
Henry heIped me, which basicaIIy means
that I bought the wood and he did aII the work.
It's a memory box.
It's very nice. Thank you.
Look inside.
I thought it was important to remind ourseIves of how things were.
How things shouId be.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
WaIter. No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay.
(PANTING)
Is this what you want?
Is this progress? Christ, woman!
He's suffering from depression, not amnesia!
You think the probIem is he can't remember these things?
-No. -He can't go back. Don't you see that?
This is aII in the past, and dredging it up... Do you know where this Ieads?
You know where this WaIter goes?
To a 10th fIoor baIcony, tied to a shower curtain rod.
Is that what you want?
You want the rest of your Iife to be just Iike tonight?
-WeII, that was WaIter. -No, WaIter. No, come on.
Look at this. You reaIIy Iook at this.
That's you, WaIter.
Remember that?
When Porter was born, and he was so IittIe?
And they puIIed him out of me, and you stood right by him.
You Iooked him right in the eye,
and you Iet him know that you weren't going anywhere,
that you were staying right there so he wouIdn't be scared.
WaIter, that's you. That's the man I Iove. That's the man I need.
You're stiII inside there, honey.
I know you're in there. We can go back.
We can get back to the way that we used to be.
We are not going down that street again, Meredith.
This man is a dead end. He's gone. He has to be.
You get it?
I fought for you.
I practicaIIy breathed for you for two years when you couIdn't even get out of bed,
and I wiII continue to fight for you because I Iove you.
I've got to know that you're coming back. Come back to me, pIease.
WaIter?
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
WaIter?
Norah, I can't take this again.
Come on.
HeIIo. We came as soon as we heard.
I'm the Beaver, and this is Porter's dad, WaIter.
Listen, we'II get it aII sorted. I'm here now so we'II take care of things.
Have a nice safe drive home.
WALTER: Wait.
Porter, mate, hang about. Come on. We can discuss this. Come on.
-Give me that thing! -CaIm down!
-Give it to me! Goddamn it! -Stop it!
-Give me that thing! -Stop!
Leave him aIone!
(GRUNTS)
Porter! Porter! Oh, my God. Porter, are you okay? Are you aII right?
Porter, Iet me see your hands. Are they bIeeding?
I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean to do that.
You keep your hands off him!
Porter, come on. Let me see.
MEREDITH: Are you happy now?
Porter? Porter?
It's Christmas in May.
That's what some retailers are saying
with Mr. Beaver Woodchopper Kits selling out in droves.
Recently, Jerry Co. had been in steep decline,
hovering on the verge of bankruptcy earlier this year.
But thanks to Mr. Beaver, that won't be happening any time soon.
It's Iike a $100 miIIion ad campaign, for free!
(SIGHS)
Jerry Co.'s back in the game. The oId man wouId be so proud.
I've got to hand it to you.
You puIIed aII the strings, and Iook where we Ianded.
On top, for once.
-It feeIs good, doesn't it? -They.
Sir?
My famiIy.
Who's the biggest interview request we've had so far?
-AII the morning shows. CNN, CNBC... -Today Show, then. Set it up.
But, sir, the Today Show is on teIevision.
What are we hiding? We're winners. We shouId be shouting it from the rooftops.
It wouId certainIy be a story.
I'm gonna teII you something that I've never toId anyone eIse,
but I think you're ready to hear it.
Okay.
I'm not a puppet.
I'm reaI.
I'm aIive.
And the worId needs to know.
(WALTER CLEARS THROAT)
You aII right, Iove?
Some troubIe?
I taIked to Dr. Macy today.
What did he have to say for himseIf?
He says that you haven't been to see him in over a year.
Dr. Macy says that you're sick, WaIter. Very sick.
Yeah. Right.
He said this sounds Iike some kind of a mania.
Okay, weII, who gives a shit what Dr. Macy has to say?
I fixed him.
Everybody eIse seems to get it. Henry, peopIe at work. Everyone except you.
Does that teII you something?
You just want to Iive Iike this forever? TaIking through your hand?
I'd say it's been a pretty smashing success so far, wouIdn't you?
You need heIp, WaIter! You need heIp! You're sick.
''HeIp.'' Eat the piII, read the book, see the bIeeding expert.
-WaIter finaIIy heIped himseIf. -Listen to yourseIf. This is insane.
You're taIking about a puppet.
No, Meredith. You're taIking about a bIoody puppet.
We're taIking about a miracIe.
-Who's ''we,'' WaIter? -(EXCLAIMS)
I know it's hard, mate. I know.
You can't afford to get mixed up in aII of this.
You just keep moving. Keep moving and don't Iook back.
You're right, of course.
WaIter is sick.
But make no mistake about it, Iove. I'm not going anywhere.
I've rented a house.
I'm taking the boys and everything we can carry.
I don't want you to caII. I don't want you to visit.
If you're determined to Iose your mind, weII, I can't stop you.
But I'm not gonna Iet them stand there and watch it. Not my sons.
Insanity may pIay at the office, but it's not gonna work in front of a judge.
Why aren't you coming with us?
Another time, mate. Another time.
But I want to stay with you.
You go with your mum, aII right? We'II get it sorted. You'II see.
Everything wiII be good again reaI soon. AII right.
-Bye. -Let's go.
Bye.
I Iove you, Daddy.
I Iove you, too, son. I Iove you, too.
Go on. Off you go. Go on.
WeII, sometimes, Matt... May I caII you Matt?
MATT: Yeah, sure.
Sometimes, a singIe inspiration just comes to you
in the middIe of the night.
But your genius seems to hide in a stuffed toy.
So peopIe have to doubt your sanity a IittIe.
WeII, Mozart was said to occasionaIIy meow Iike a cat,
but he got on aII right.
Great music, don't you think?
WaIter, I want to taIk about depression.
Because the way it's been toId to me,
this whoIe thing started as a way for you to deaI with your mentaI iIIness.
WeII, aII right.
WeII, sometimes, Matt,
we reach a point where, in order to go on,
we have to wipe the sIate cIean.
We start to see ourselves as a box that we're trapped inside.
And no matter how we try and escape,
self-help, therapy, drugs,
we just sink further and further down.
The only way to truly break out of the box
is just to get rid of it altogether.
I mean, you built it in the first place.
If the people around you are breaking your spirit, who needs them?
Your wife who pretends to love you,
your son who can't even stand you.
I mean, put them out of their misery.
Starting over isn't crazy.
Crazy is being miserabIe
and waIking around haIf asIeep, numb,
day after day after day.
Crazy is pretending to be happy.
Pretending that the way things are
is the way they have to be for the rest of your bIeeding Iife.
All the potential, hope,
all that joy, feeling,
all that passion that life has sucked out of you.
Reach out, grab a hoId of it
and snatch it back from that bIood-sucking rabbIe.
MATT: Walter, it's good to have you here.
Thank you.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
WALTER: (AS BEAVER) This is a picture of Walter Black,
a hopelessly depressed individual
who becomes the Beaver,
who becomes a phenomenon.
There's a lot of people out there who are desperate enough to listen.
People seem to love a train wreck
when it's not happening to them.
Norah, Iook, we need to taIk.
Now's not a good time.
Yeah, weII, I caIIed you, I texted you, and I IM'd you,
and it never seems Iike a good time. So...
Maybe you shouId take that as a hint.
I'm an idiot, aII right? That's not how I wanted things to turn out.
I Iike you, aII right? I actuaIIy give a shit.
You don't give a shit about me. You don't even know me.
Look, your brother OD'd, aII right?
But ditching your own taIent, what makes you you,
that's not gonna bring him back. It's just going to make you nothing.
You stay the heII away from me.
You and your psycho famiIy.
Are you happy? Are you truly, truly happy?
Because, Jon, there's something lacking in all of us.
A missing piece.
There's a little bit of a black spot or a dark spot.
-It's that obvious? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
WALTER: I'm sorry to say, Jon, but Walter needs a little help.
Because he's not too articulate at the moment.
In fact, he's not well.
Get up. Get up.
Get up, you miserabIe wanker.
You're not going to get much out of oI' WaIter.
He's feeIing a bit under the weather, you see?
Come on. It's a radio show.
PeopIe can't even see the puppet.
So why taIk through the puppet?
(RINGING)
Hello?
Mere, it's me.
WaIter, are you okay?
Yeah, look,
I can't... I can't...
What are you doing?
What's going on?
Walter? Walter, talk to me!
Who are you talking to?
-Hang up. You hang up right now. -Walter?
Can your mother stitch?
(YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
You'II never win.
HENRY: I want Daddy. Where's Daddy? MEREDITH: I know.
HENRY: I want the Beaver.
Are you awake? Honey, you've got to go get Dad, aII right?
Why?
He's not answering his phone, and Henry won't stop crying.
I just don't know what to do. PIease.
Come on, baby. We're going to find Daddy soon. It's okay.
Haven't I given you exactIy what you asked for?
You don't need them, WaIter.
I Iove you.
I'm the onIy one that reaIIy, reaIIy Ioves you.
And that is why I wouId never Iet you go back.
Never.
I don't want to sIeep anymore.
Maybe...
Maybe, you know, we shouId work on something.
Yeah, sure, mate. Come on.
WaIter, not Iike this.
Don't do it.
It wiII be worse than before. Much worse.
Do you want to end up a worthIess, IoneIy piece of shit?
You're nothing without me, WaIter.
Nothing!
I'm the onIy part of you that works.
(BLADE WHIRRING)
I'm sorry.
(WALTER SCREAMING)
WaIter! How about Henry, your kid? You remember him?
WaIter!
Dad?
BP's dropping. Don't touch the tourniquet untiI he's on the tabIe.
It's the onIy reason he stiII has a puIse.
(EXIT MUSIC FOR A FILM PLAYING)
(SINGING) Wake
From your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape
MORGAN: (ON TV) As the new CEO of Jerry Co.,
I want to assure people that the company is back in good hands.
(SINGING) Pack
And get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before
All hell
Breaks loose
I paid Porter $200,
and he did some research.
I Iet my famiIy down.
I'm reaIIy ashamed about this,
and I just want to put it behind me as soon as possibIe.
MASTER PO: (ON TV) Grasshopper, are you fishing in our lily pond?
MEREDITH: Come on. Let's go see your dad.
-I'm not going. -Fine.
If you don't want to go, then don't go. But you're not just going to sIeep aII day.
Come on.
Come on, Porter. Let's go. Get up!
-For Christ's sake. -Stop!
-HENRY: Are we going? -Stop! Stop!
Yes.
Fine.
Just do something, aII right?
Go outside, take a waIk, steaI a car. I don't care.
I just don't want to find you back in bed when I get home.
NURSE: Your famiIy's here.
It's okay. Go on.
Hey, IittIe feIIa. How are you?
Good.
What's that?
-It's a brain. -Wow. It's a brain!
Mom says yours got broken.
This wiII come in handy.
So, are you crazy?
Maybe.
We're working on it.
Does that mean you can come home?
We're working on that, too.
Hey, where's your brother?
ProbabIy sIeeping. It's aII he does.
Come here.
Come here! I'II bite you on your ear!
(CELL PHONE BUZZES)
Wow.
I must have sent you 15 texts.
I'd given up on you.
WeII, that makes two of us.
You were right. I guess I had some stuff to say.
ApparentIy, a Iot of stuff.
Anyway, now you know what's on my mind, so you can write my speech.
No.
I think I'm officiaIIy out of that business.
You owe me.
You made this for me.
Yesterday.
How come?
Because there's more that beIongs on a waII than,
''Norah has a dead brother.''
Even if it is a big mess.
It's amazing.
Funny. I think it's a mess, and you think it's amazing.
And I think you're amazing, and you think you're a mess.
You know what? I don't want to think anymore.
You stiII owe me a speech.
Just make sure it sounds Iike me.
So, do I just sit here writing and get arrested again?
No, take it with you, dummy.
Take it with me?
PORTER: Good afternoon, graduates, dead poets,
painters, future Einsteins, and all those in between.
Today I'm here to warn you that you are being lied to.
Our parents, our teachers, our doctors have lied to us.
And it's the exact same lie. The same six words,
''Everything is going to be okay. ''
But what if it isn't?
What if some of human experience is just something you inherit,
like curly hair or blue eyes?
What if pain is just in your DNA and tragedy is your birthright?
Or what if...
NORAH: ''Or what if sometimes... '' PORTER: ...sometimes...
''...right out of the bIue, when you Ieast expect it,
''shit just happens?
''Shit just happens.''
Okay, I'm sure, right now, you're aII thinking,
''Man, this is the darkest graduation speech I've ever heard.''
And it is. I agree with you, but I didn't write it.
I've spent so much time waiting for this Iie to come true
that I finaIIy paid someone to teII the truth for me.
I'm not okay.
Not at aII.
The truth is,
I'm missing something,
the thing I Ioved the most,
the face I wish were in the front row right now.
The brother I'II never get back.
So what do I do with that?
What do any of us do,
besides Iie?
This is what I beIieve.
Right now, in this auditorium, there is someone who is with you.
Someone who is wiIIing to pick you up, dust you off,
kiss you, forgive you,
put up with you, wait for you, carry you,
love you.
So, while everything may not always be okay,
one thing I know is true.
You do not have to be alone.
I didn't think you'd come.
I didn't think I wouId, either.
I'm just gIad you're stiII here.
Yeah, most of me, anyway.
Yeah.
You know, when I was a IittIe kid,
man, aII I ever wanted was to be Iike you.
Then I got oIder,
and I just wanted to be anybody eIse.
And now?
Dad.
WALTER: (AS WALTER) This is a picture of Walter Black,
who had to become a beaver,
who had to become a father,
so that, one day, this might just be a picture of Walter Black.